I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
