Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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