I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
