Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
