mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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