After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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