you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
