True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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