ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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