remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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