The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
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