apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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