I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You had me at "let me see your balls"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
