so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Terrible idea I love it
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