I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
