jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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