Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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