my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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