is your mom at the bar?
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
