lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
