Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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