Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Threesome in a minivan. New low
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
