Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
