What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
