Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You need a sexual gate keeper
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
