dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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