This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
