worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
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I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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