thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
