first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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