We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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