Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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