In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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