i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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