You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
