why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Randomize
