I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
