There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
