I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
They have beer where we have blood.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
