ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
