i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
