I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
