p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
