she was so not down for the gang bang
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
