i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
