he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
