dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
