I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
