I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
