new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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