I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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