Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
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I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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