Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
