i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.