taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
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Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit