I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
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You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
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He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere