Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
