grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
