she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
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Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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