he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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