I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
