Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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