why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
