Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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