He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
