Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
