Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
