Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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