I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
