Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
