i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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