I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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