The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
