I could make wine with my vomit
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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